Parents can find it very hard to understand all the changes that they have gone through. They may well have become accustomed to the idea of living together and operating as a cohesive partnership, but when children arrive this throws the delicate balance off course.
What may have been a perfectly happy marriage can become, rather quickly, a rocky road. Delicate adjustments are needed by both people here as they try and right the boat and this can apply whether you have had kids before, or not. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.
Whenever doubts arise, worries come to the surface or even anger bubbles up, it is important to take a step back and look at the overall picture. Do you feel that you cannot properly see the problem due to life’s complexity? So much is going on that it is easy for parents to become overwhelmed and not know how to cope. From an overall perspective, both now have to take on additional jobs and become multiple role players. In a situation such as this, even more pressure can arise as each person tries to concentrate on their new role, to the detriment of the other relationships. To take new parents as an example again, “mum” may become somewhat obsessed with the idea of caring for her newborn and the marriage itself may not have as much of a priority.
Meanwhile, new dads can often feel a bit left out and surplus to requirements! A husband may “assume” that his wife needs overall responsibility and is the best person to look after the kids. The danger here is that he may distance himself from the partnership, assuming that he’s doing the right thing.
The most important thing for parents to do is to watch for warning signs and really understand their partner. Look for signs of overload, irritability or a short temper. The worst thing one can do is to leave any potential problems unchecked as they can quickly become unmanageable and dangerous.
Whenever the kids are not around, sit down and have a very deep and meaningful conversation. Ask yourself whether you are being reasonable and ask the other for their honest input. Remind each other that things have changed now that you have additional family members and this is to be understood, priorities now look different.
You both have to work together as a cohesive team to raise your children in the way you want, and you shouldn’t underestimate how much effort and active input this takes from both of you. When all is said and done, give each other a hug and remember that you are the leaders of the pack!
It’s not all doom and gloom You do need to prioritise time together, but just make sure that your time represents quality time. Ask yourself when you last spent a weekend away together or did something fun with each other. Plan a really nice, romantic dinner and don’t forget those meaningful, romance filled surprises, from back in the day.
Experts can often help mums with their huge challenge ahead, especially those who are still working when all this madness is going on. Thankfully, online life coaching is a marvellous way to pick up some truly professional coaching, and when it comes to coaching for women, it’s the perfect place to turn when life becomes manic!
Amanda Alexander, Director of Coaching Mums, helps pressure-cooked, stressed working mums who long for more hours in the day. Through her coaching programmes and online life coaching courses, Amanda shows mums how to create fulfilling and successful lives. For your simple 5 step guide to balance as a working mum, download our free eBook today!
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